LBI77S 

.Ef3 



Pick Tour 


Prof 


- or Getting 


B9 


in College 




by 

Da^id E 




I nsti tute f or Pi 
New York 


iblic Service 
. City 



••••.•••••.•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••m#***««*««m«m««*#m«m««««m«m«« 



Personalit37culture J 

ty I 

1 

College Faculties 



f 
i 

ty i 



? 



David E. Bergf, autkor of Pick Your Prof 
Foreword Julius H. Barnes \ 

f 

I College Classroom Contacts, Two i 

Hundred and Fifty Million a Year ? 

II Personality Close-ups, First Two days | 

III Low Levels of TeacKer Personality | 

IV Personalities Plus I 

f 

V Teacker Personality and Teacker I 

Training | 

VI Teacker Personality Classified | 

VII Candle Power of Teacker Personality j 

VIII B T Us of Teacker Personality | 

IX Kilowatts of Teacker Personality 

X Ten Grades of Teackmg Akility | 

XI Next Steps in Personalityculture | 

I 

CIA 5997 56 „ 



» 



Price $1.50, postage 10c 

OCT 23 1920 



it>^^4 



% 



^^'b 



Dear Reader 

Why study more than you have to in college? 

Why slave for an exacting teacher when under a 
lax teacher you can earn as many credits without 
studying? 

Why give an inspiring personality and able teacher 
the satisfaction of arousing your interest and firing 
your determination when by careful engineering you 
can avoid such catastrophe? 

If you want to learn your rights as a customer of 
your college, read Pick Your Prof or Getting By In 
College and pick your courses and instructors like a 
skillful buyer. 

A special effort has been made in this little 
handbook to show how to avoid becoming so interested 
in a subject, or so responsive to professorial personality, 
that you will be overtempted to think of your one or 
four years in college as a time primarily for training 
in self-study and self-discovery. 

Mr. Berg in Pick Your Prof has suggested 
many means of picking profs and many rights to be 
demanded by students which when generally understood 
will become a potent factor in higher education. 

William H. Allen, director 
Institute for Public Service. 



A LONG FELT WANT 

Every year over 400,000 young Americans possessed 
of superior purchasing power or superior mental power 
or superior ambition set out to buy college life. 

Although there are many different kinds of college 
life and many different kinds of college education, 
the purchaser can find almost no guidance to the most 
efficient way of directing his purchases. 

Not only are there few guides to different ways of 
obtaining a college degree and of choosing one's 
courses and professors so as to obtain the most satis- 
factory results from college, but there are in most 
places no adequate guides even to student activities 
which can be used as time fillers and time killers. 

Here and there colleges have listed the rooming 
houses available for students and their facilities, but 
all too often the student is left to his own resources 
even in deciding about such simpler purchases. 

With the great increases in college attendance fol- 
lowing the war has come an urgent need for a travel- 
ler's guide in the art of flattery, the science of bluffing, 
and the best devices for avoiding study, killing exams 
and passing off conditions or flunks. 

This handbook is an effort to meet this long felt 
want. It is hoped that it will be found useful and 
suggestive to the practical student. 

Helpful facts and suggestions are solicited from 
public-spirited readers of this modest contribution. 



THE VALUE OF A COLLEGE 
EDUCATION 

A college degree is a nice thing to tack on to your 
name and then the diploma looks nice framed and 
hung up in your office. 

College gives one at least a bowing acquaintance 
with certain books, subjects and ideas. In this way 
you lo'se that uncomfor'table feeling of awe and strange- 
ness when with men of learning and achievement. 

You can move with ease and a sense of kin- 
ship in the society of intellectuals and can 
very easily acquire a sense of superiority over 
the people who are not "college bred." 

College gives you a badge of respectability that is 
conceded to ''college bred men" or ''college bred 
women" and gives you an entree in the more exclu- 
sive circles where happily for the genus it is poor taste 
to ask what was learned. 

You will be able to pick up quite a number of good 
talking points with which to impress your cousins, 
uncles and aunts as well as your home town friends. 

Again it is a fairly pleasant way of passing four 
years. You avoid four years of unpleasant rubbing 
elbows with the hoi poloi in the "University of Hard 
Knocks." If you make a hit with a professor, you can 
probably land a nice job after graduation and then, 
too, you meet a lot of nice people who may be very 
useful when you get out in the world. Fraternity 
brothers, sorority sisters and classmates will come in 
handy. 

These are only a few of many advantages. Many 
others will occur to you as you analyse your own rea- 
sons for going to college. 



CHOOSE YOUR ROLE EARLY 

It is eminently desirable that each student decide 
early the role he will play in college. 

In the classroom he can elect the role of the bluffer, 
kidder, steady plugger, grind, dodger or brilliant stu- 
dent. Or he can play the critic, composer, economist, 
poet, statistician, literary genius, historian, psycholo*- 
gist, philosopher, orator, debater, or a number of 
these. 

Some of these poses unfortunately involve the 
expenditure in spurts of a considerable 
amount of energy and ingenuity, but happily 
some of them require no real brains or sus- 
tained effort. 

Then outside of class there are a considerable num- 
ber of openings for the right sort of person. There 
is the editing or reporting on the college journals, 
weeklies, monthlies and annuals which most colleges 
boast, membership in various clubs, associations, fra- 
ternities, sororities and student self government 
councils. You can dabble in society, become the star 
fusser, the most graceful dancer or the most popular 
man or girl on the campus. 

On the track, gridiron and diamond, there exist un- 
equalled opportunities to distinguish yourself and win 
undying glory and fame and the "U" sweater. Tennis, 
basketball, wrestling, boxing, fencing are other fields 
for enterprise and effort. 

Of course we cannot in this brief handbook com- 
mence to do justice to alternative roles but we shall 
present a few facts which will be of value to all stu- 
dents irrespective of what role they choose. 



DANGERS OF THE CLASSROOM 

If it were not for the professors, college 
wooild be an ideal place. 

However, the fact remains, if one chooses college, 
one inevitably chooses profs. Therefore, the ever pre- 
sent and all imperative problem of circumventing the 
prof. 

The majority of professors are obsessed of a very 
objectionable mania which they pursue with pertin- 
acity worthy of a far better cause, that of compelling 
the student to study, to apply himself, or at least to 
make the motions of acquiring knowledge and "mental 
discipline." 

All sorts of devices are resorted to by college profs, 
and even by the trustees, to compel studying. One 
would think better of the board of regents, who are 
supposed to be sensible business men, but who aid 
and abet the professors by erecting huge buildings 
which contain recitation rooms, lecture halls, and lab- 
oratories, virtually nothing but dungeons and cells to 
entrap the unwary students. 

With the students cooped up in these fetid, poorly 
ventilated cells, so constructed that man's resisting 
powers are greatly lowered, the profs apply devices of 
torture and inquisitional methods. Long winded lectur- 
es and discourses are used lavishly : thousands of imper- 
tinent questions, of which no gentlemen elsewhere 
would be guilty, are asked with the greatest of effront- 
ery ; reports, examinations, assignments, conditions, 
flunks, boredom, sarcasm, arrogance and benevolent 
insult are also used freely. 

A large part of our attention will be directed towards 
the problem of reducing to the minimum those grave 
classroom dangers that threaten the students' life, 
liberty and pursuit of happiness, with particular em- 
phasis on the most serious of dangers, the studious life. 

5 



PICK YOUR COURSES ADVISEDLY 

In your college you will probably find plenty of easy 
profs, and snap or pipe courses for your needs. A dis- 
creet sounding out of the students and sampling of 
first days' work will furnish you with sufficient data 
to plot your course. 

Choose courses which do not require precision, logic 
or o'riginality, but depend upon memory and a rehash- 
ing of the profs talks. . They are quite easy, unless the 
teacher is exacting and highly competent. 

Of course, a stiff prof can make any subject 
or course difficult. 

Laboratory courses are usually rather tedious, for 
they require a good deal of time and a lot of fussing 
around. If you enjoy this, they are not over objec- 
tionable, because the solution of most of the experi- 
ments can be discovered in text books or in the note 
books of students w^ho did the same stunts the year 
before. 

Lecture courses are almost always snaps, especially 
if no quiz sections are included. Most profs will them- 
selves guarantee that you can get by in such courses 
with little benefit and less work if you will only demand 
it. 

Beginning courses are generally easy. If you are a 
sophomore it is a good plan to take one or two fresh- 
men courses. If you are an upperclassman you will 
find it advantageous to take courses which are intended 
for the lower classmen if you can get full credit. Fur- 
thermore, some courses under different names are often 
partly or wholly duplicating. 

In college a little ingenuity will take you a 
long ways. 



PICK YOUR PROF CRAFTILY 

^*The personality ot the teacher is the foremost prob- 
lem in all grades of educatioti," was the statement of a 
famous college president. If college administrators and 
authorities think this how much more is it appreciated 
by the college student. It is the student who must 
meet each prof from sixteen to eighty times a semester 
and must sit in three or five classes every day for nine 
months each year. 

Be particularly careful as to the personality 
of your profs. 

Certain types of profs will make college a perfect 
treadmill and nightmare for you and others will make 
it very pleasant. Learn early which to avoid and which 
to choose. 

You are clearly entitled to escape instructors who 
possess open-mindedness with imagination, originality^ 
alertness with charm, sensitivity, taste, courtesy, tact, 
sympathy, sincerity, humor, fairness, modesty and 
clean-mindedness. Occasionally, however, an other- 
wise acceptable teacher might be tolerated because of 
these engaging qualities. 

However, any instructor who possesses profundity, 
comprehensiveness, insight, associativeness, scholar- 
ship, balance, logicality, vision, resourcefulness, ingen- 
uity, poise, reserve, energy, forcefulness, aggressive- 
ness, fearlessness, decisiveness, sternness and industry 
even of bush league type would wisely be avoided 
because these are some of the fundamental qualities of 
an excellent teacher, and you would find their classes 
rough-sledding. 



THE VALUE OF A GOOD REPUTATION 

If you want to escape the more rigorous conditions 
of college and enjoy the sweets thereof, you must 
attack the problem with courage and energy. 

First study your professor, find out what he 
likes and appreciates, or what impresses him. 

Is it money, position, connections, appearance of ap- 
plication, athletic skill, or is it kno^wledge in the form 
of ideas or facts? Determine early what it is and 
capitalize it. Usually it is the mastery of the assigned 
lesson which impresses him. So devoted to their 
courses, so poverty stricken in their indulgences are 
most professors that the easiest way to impress them 
and establish a reputation is to make them believe 
that you are a good student. Of course, you may be 
when you try, and then your course is easy. If you 
are not, you may have to exert yourself for a while. 

Impress each prof favbl-ably^ at the start, for first 
impressions are lasting. If the fir^t impression is good, 
the battle is half won. This may mean that you must 
actually study and master all the assignments of the 
first week or two, for you may not be called on to 
recite for that length of time. When that chance 
comes, make the most of it. 

The matter of establishing a reputation is far 
reaching in its effects. It is valuable *not only fot 
smoothing your way in one particular course, but in 
making it easy during the whole college course, for 
teachers, you must know, gossip about their students 
just as much as students discuss their teachers. 

In fact, a good reputation established in college may 
be valuable to you all the rest of your life. 



WORST FOE AND BEST FRIEND 

Of all menaces to student happiness the worst is 
the prof who makes you actually, HONESTLY want 
to study. 

The species is not yet extinct. You may find a few 
specimens in your own college. However, if you are 
a freshman there is less danger for specialists assert 
that freshmen seldom encounter great teachers. 

It is to be hoped that you are one of this 
great body who will never feel the hypnotic 
effect of a great teacher. But when you do 
meet him you will not need to be told he's it. 

Such a teacher will be alert and forceful, energetic 
in speech and action. " His mere entrance into the 
classroom will produce an effect almost electrical. 
He will quickly check up the attendance of the class, 
he will learn rapidly the name of each person in his 
class, and in a short while he will have the whole 
class working hard and greatly interested in the sub- 
ject. He will be enthusiastic and sympathetic, yet firm 
and exacting. He will assign long hard lessons, cover 
the ground in class and give you frightfully stiff exams. 
In a short while you w^ill be caught in a hopeless 
treadmill of grind and application. 

If for want of proper guidance you find yourself in 
the class of such a teacher, DO NOT DESPAIR. 
Even this may be turned to good account. This type 
is by far the best tO' pick as the professor to impress, 
to obtain approval of, and to establish a reputation 
with. 

While it is true that he may tempt you almost be- 
yond endurance to study, it may prove time very well 
spent, because once having made a hit with him, you 
will inevitably be commended by him to other pro- 
fessors with the same energy and convincing power 
with which he teaches you. 

9 



THE PARABLE OF THE GRIND AND THE 
BRILLIANT STUDENT 

Avoid above all the stigma of the grind. Emulate 
the example of the brilliant student. However, if 
you find indolence a bore, then combine the practical 
virtues of the brilliant student with the less objec- 
tionable faults of the grind. 

[Consider the grind, how he looks, acts and fails. 
He toileth arduously, yet he reapeth not. His eyes 
grow dim and sore, his form bent and shriveled, and 
his dress becomes soiled and uncouth. He waxeth not 
wise, except in his own estimation, but foolish in the 
eyes of his fellows. The delights of dancing and the 
satisfacWon of cutting classes, the joys of midnight 
dinners and motoring, the excitement of the track, the 
diamond and the gridiron, the consolation of Lady 
Nicotine, the gratification of kidding and bluffing his 
professors, the sweet acclaims of his fellow students 
are not his. Even he whom the grind most worships, 
the prof, despiseth him secretly in his own heart, 
though he may commend him openly to the other 
students. 

Consider then the brilliant student. He toileth not, 
neither doth he spin, yet Solomon in all his glory was 
not counted as wise as he. Verily he doeth little, yet 
he seemeth to do vast things. Openly he despiseth 
the grind, yet secretly he doth traffic with him and 
relieve him of his excessive learning. The brilliant 
student endureth by his wits, without them he would 
fall. He doeth things by fits and starts, he plucketh 
the fragrant flotwers of fame and acclaim in the valley 
of dalliance. He receiveth much for naught, and the 
professor is none the wiser. 

Here endeth the parable of the grind and the 
brilliant student. 

10 



HOW TO HANDLE WEAK 
PERSONALITIES 

If you observe carefully you may discover even in 
your college a teacher or two whose personalities are 
weak and ineffective. 

Often these weaker personalities can be so' handled 
that their presence in the classroom is an asset or at 
any rate is not objectionable. 

Cotton fto profs of shallow, superficial nature, lack- 
ing energy and forcefulness. Such personalities you 
can deliberately ignore o'r disobey, for they will lack 
the necessary power to enforce their commands. 

The same tactics may be applied with impun- 
ity to profs who are lazy, sloventy, inane, un- 
dignified, foppish and flirtatious. 

Flattery will get you by with most men who are 
ego|tistical, ''kidders,'' vain, bluffs and pretenders, 
garrulous and affected. 

This type often proves rather entertaining either be- 
cause of what they themselves do or because of the 
tumorous spectacles they make of themselves. 
Some are wits, kidders, and entertainers, others are 
ridiculous in appearance, in dress, in speech or action, 
are erratic and eccentric, vain, foppish and affected 
and therefore legitimate game for the students' art. 

Some of the men with uneviable qualities should be 
avoided altogether because association with them is 
too unpleasant. This is true of men who are grouchy, 
uncouth, untactful, insincere, unfair, tricky, rude, ar- 
rogant and supercilious. 

Analyze your profs before choosing. 

11 



THE POWER OF FLATTERY 



One of the most effective means of winning over 
your prof is the judicious use of flattery. Considerable 
tact and ingenuity are necessary in administering the 
proper doses of this heady wine. 

Flattery makes H;he whole world kin. No one is 
immune to its subtle yet powerful and certain effects. 
So few students have availed themselves of this 
great ally thai: profs are starved for appreciation, at- 
tention and compliment. And just here is where a 
reputation gives added force to' the effects of flattery. 
We always crave the attention and compliments of 
our peers and superiors, and despise the flat!tery of 
our inferiors. 

Hence we should first convince our profes- 
sors that we are persons of wit and substance. 

In what manner can we flatter our professors? 
There are many ways. It is usually advisable to ap- 
pear toi be profoundly absorbed in everything that 
goes on in class. Whether or not you really are is 
immaterial. Appearance is what counts. Gaze at the 
teacher with an air of profound interest; assume an 
eager interested expression, as though you were drink- 
ing in his every word. 

This device is especially valuable for the lecture 
period, but with a little practice can be applied to the 
recitation as well. In the latter case, you must use 
somewhat greafter care, otherwise you are liable to be 
called on with "nobody home." 

12 



LIKE THE PROF'S JOKES 

Another classic method used in flattering the profs 
is to laugh heartily at their jokes. Perhaps this may- 
be rather difficult to do at first, and may seem like a 
too outrageous bit of hypocrisy, but after the first 
dozen attempts you will enjoy laughing at the old 
chesnuts and fatuous attempts AS THOUGH they 
were real jokes and witticisms. 

If the rest of the class is fairly susceptible, you can 
easily make yourself leader of the "hah hah'' act. 

See first if he is nonchalant and self assured, and if 
he cherishes affectations in speech and manner and 
carries a good supply of little stories, anecdotes, epi- 
grams, witticisms, droll sayings and LITTLE 
STUNTS to amuse the class. 

Watch the teacher's face for the premonitory signs 
of the joke — ^you can learn these signs easily — and 
then laugh appreciatively just a fraction of a second 
before he comes to the point of the joke. Thereby 
you will please the professor IMMENSELY and in- 
cidentally establish for yourself a reputation as a 
quick witted student. 

13 



DIRECT ACTION FLATTERY 

Sheer, out and out, face to face flattery is too strong 
for most men, but direct action works admirably with 
flagrant egotism. 

Instructors now and then are the center and focus 
of the universe. They suffer from a permanent en- 
largement of the ego*. Such men are easy prey if 
handled right. All you have to do is to go to them, 
look them in the eye, and tell them how wonderful, 
how brilliant and how original they are. 



Any outrageous excess that your imagination 
may conjure up will not be too stiff a dose for 
them to swallow unblinking. 



A little experience in the analysis of your profs will 
soon give you the power of recognizing very easily 
this egotistical type of personality. Of course, they 
will vary greatly in physical appearance, but they will 
have in common the quality of egotism and conceit in 
a very aggravated and acute form. 

Such profs will often talk long and loudly about 
every imaginable subject under the sun, as though 
they kncAv all there was to know and as though no one 
of the students ever had an idea in his life. They 
will monopolize the class hour, will rarely, if ever, 
call on the students to recite and if they should call 
on anyone they will probably listen coldly and pos- 
sibly sneer at his remarks. 

Such profs are first aids to the indolent. 

14 



IMITATION AND ATTENTION 

Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Few men 
can resist its subtle influence. One can imitate a 
teacher's mannerisms, his dress, facial expression, 
talking and walking. One can read the same books, 
go to the same places, see the same plays, hear the 
same music, enjoy the same pictures, frequent his 
favorite haunts, in fact, imitate almost everytliing a 
professor is or does. 

The point of the whole thing, however, is to 
let him know about it in a quiet, unobtrusive 
way. 

In the matter of writing reports and examinations 
much can be done to carry out the program of flatter- 
ing imitation. If your teacher wants a parrot-like 
version of the subject, imitate his style and agree 
with him always. If he enjoys a certain amount of 
originality, contradict him, disagree with the text and 
hoax up a few paradoxes and witticisms. 

Some men have a weakness for profuseness and 
will give a student good credit, if only he writes long 
papers. Others have brevity and curtness as their 
ideal. Here you must boil things down. Affect a 
laconic style. Sometimes you can work in a little note 
of appreciation of the prof in your paper and this goes 
a long ways. 

Another way to worm your way into the profes- 
sor's confidence is to visit him before and after and 
outside of class and assume a profound interest in his 
subject. 

Request additional references and ask en- 
thusiastic if only half sensible questions. 

15 



BLUFFING IN SELF DEFENSE 

Even the student with the chronic grouch against 
the prof must admit that a great number of them at- 
tain considerable skill in detecting whether or not a 
student is in possession of certain facts. ^ Not that 
this denotes any particular professorial abihty, but it 
is a fact to be reckoned with in plotting your course 
through college. 

One of the best defenses against the inquisitional 
skill of the teacher is what is popularly known as 
''blufifing." The extra-mural connotations of this 
term are rather objectionable, but what it denotes in 
college is really very commendable. Fundamentally, 
bluffing means nothing more or less than putting your 
best foot forward and capitalizing everything you pos- 
sibly can, especially if you are in a tight corner and 
the prof is pressing you shrewdly. 

Frequently you may have just an inkling of the an- 
swer to the question, and the act of bluffing is then 
simply dressing up this little bit, with the aid of a 
rapid survey of the facial expression, the tone of voice, 
context and implication of the prof's question, in the 
most effective and attractive manner. 

Almost every growing person obtains, at 
some time in his life, a job which he cannot 
at the time handle. 



If he has had considerable experience in college 
bluft'ing he can make people believe he is master of 
the situation until he really has caught up and gained 
a firm foot hold. 



16 



ARGUMENTATIVENESS— 
BEWARE AND USE 

Some professors can never tolerate contradiction or 
argument. In such cases, it is good diplomacy to agree 
always, no matter how wrong they may be. 

A few teachers, however, pride themselves on their 
ability to rouse vigorous discussion in class. This is 
apt to be true of those who speak in generalities and 
profound philosophic principles. They imagine it 
denotes great mental activity on the part of their 
students. They don't realize how often the burden of 
the discussion is borne by a small clique of students 
who delight in verbal explosions, and that the rest of 
the class is sitting back, glad to be relieved of any 
responsibility and half amused at all the furor. 

However, it is good politics to humor such purblind 
teachers. Make up a list of debatable questions to 
''spring'' on the professor at unguarded moments, and 
start the ball rolling. "What really constitutes a 
poet?" "Why was Shakespeare great?" "Has man a 
free will?" "What is electricity?" or "What is the 
fundamental nature of matter?" are examples of the 
kind of question w^hich will provoke endless wrang- 
ling. 

This little device is especially valuable on Mondays, 
after holidays, after a big social or athletic event, 
when no one but the professor and the class pet have 
studied the lesson. It will often win you much fame 
and the gratitude of the class. 

Another aspect of this method is to discover the 
prof's hobby and then "draw him out." This will be 
good for a half hour's respite in most dilemmas. 



17 



DIVERTISSEMENTS OR END RUNS 

His lectures on Chaucer fairly bristled wiH:h brilliant 
sallies. I noted little else than the witticisms, which 
were so keen, so subtle that it required the whole 
powers of my mind to grasp and appreciate them. 

My attention was wholly dis'tracted from the sub- 
stance of his ledtures. I felt that my teacher noted my 
appreciation of his wit, and fancied that he was play- 
ing a game of mystification with me, that he was re- 
fining and sharpening his witticisms to a point where 
he would bafifle me and throw me off completely. To 
tell the truth I was very often lost and mystified, but 
I knew when he had made a sally. Something in his 
expression would give me the cue and I would laugh 
heartily. The life and manners of Chaucer troubled 
me little. But the day of reckoning was approaching. 

When he placed the questions on the board, it was 
a veritable ''handwriting on the wall'' for me. I had 
taken no notes. Out of the eight questions I could 
answer only three. I attacked them with the courage 
of despair. 

As I struggled along, the idea seized me ; I would 
pay him back in his own coin. His wit had distracted 
me from his subjec't matter; my wit would distract 
him from the required answers. I set to work and 
invented sarcasms and extravagances, mixed in allu- 
sions and comparisons by the score, and indulged in 
scurrilous vituperations of certain historical charac- 
ters. 

When my paper was returned it was marked B+ 
and bore this legend : 

"There is little matter in your paper and less 
method. But you get the point of my remarks 
too well for me to doubt your command of 
the subject matter." 

18 



THE CURE FOR BOREDOM 

One of the great problems of college life is to escape 
boredom. You can do this, to be sure, by choosing 
interesting courses or interesting professors, but there 
is a cer'tain amount of danger involved in that, for you 
are liable to become really interested in the work and 
settle down to' study! 

If you are stranded in a semester's dreary desert of 
tedium, do not get discouraged. There exist many 
little devices for easing the pain and even snatching 
some moments of happiness from the maw of boredom. 

The first great specific is sleep. Nothing is more to 
be envied than the ability td doze off into oblivion the 
moment the bore opens his agony campaign. 

Notewriting, letterwriting, fussing, daydreaming, 
reading novels, newspapers or magazines, examining 
the lesson for another course, writing up a report are 
also useful in staving off the pangs of boredom. 

Cut such classes as often as you can, and have some 
compassionate friend respond to your name at roll 
call. 

Almost any means but deliberate homicide 
are excusable in escaping hopeless tedium. 

Such personalities still exist in some colleges. The 
best way to escape boring classes is to ask your friends 
beforehand as tO' the disposition and entertainment 
powers of the various profs, and then evade all bores. 
This remedy is less cruel than it at first appears, for 
bores are bores by habit not by conviction and will 
respond to absent treament by being less boresome in 
future. 

19 



VAUDEVILLE POSSIBILITIES 

Occasionally a professor furnishes high class amuse- 
ment. No effort should be spared to discover imme- 
diately as many classes as possible like that described 
below. 

A class in musical appreciation assembled in a 
large auditorium. The teacher had a thunderous voice. 
He began by shouting the roll. He went through it 
only once a week but made an event of it. He made 
droll remarks about the more uncommon names, and 
demanded more sonorous responses to his calls. When 
some of the bolder spirits in the class answered so 
stentoriously that they awoke the echoes, he would 
shout back, "That's something like it. Tm glad 
you're alive." 

During the roll call some students entered about 
five minutes late. 

"Why don't you people come to class on time?" he 
roared. The late arrivals were momentarily taken 
back. The others laughed appreciatively. 

He then commenced to talk about Bach. He wanted 
to play some of Bach's organ compositions, but he 
considered the organ in the auditorium too wretched 
to be endured. 

"I'd like to get rid of this o'rgan," he said, pointing 
to the instrument. "It is driving me stark mad. Who 
will buy k? It's up for auction. Who'll make the 
first bid?" 

No one bid. Apparently his depreciating comments 
had prejudiced the members of the class. No one 
desired the organ. All his exhortations did not get a 
bid fro'm the class. He assumed an air of desperation. 

"Nothing bid. Going, going, gone. Sold to no one 
for nothing," and he banged his fist on the lecture 
stand. The class was convulsed at the mummery. 
DON'T MISS SUCH A MAN. 
20 



KIDDING THE PROF 

There are some profs who lack dignity and reserve, 
who joke constantly, and are never serious. They are 
flippant, easy-going and do not resent flippancy or a 
touch of pertness or impudence from students. Such 
men frequently enjoy a lively verbal encounter with 
their students. 

Some men of nimble wits and lively imaginations 
allow their minds to run wild, like engines stripped 
of their governors. They will indulge in a continuous 
running fire of persiflage. - They will joke and laugh, 
hold this person up, josh him, bully him, ask him 
outlandish questions, and carry on a hilarious farce. 
Or they may tell jokes, anecdotes and funny stories, 
cut capers, do stunts, and engage in horseplay and on 
the whole comport themselves with an utter lack of 
dignity and reserve. 

Such a class will be a Babel, a medley, a comedy, a 
Ziegfield Folly, anything but a serious classroom. 

We earnestly recommend that any and all students, 
who wish to be amused in the classroom and not prod- 
ded to study, register under such men. They will be 
certain of plenty of fun and the barest minimum of 
knowledge. 

21 



PAINLESS EDUCATION 

A few professors possess qualities which make for 
popularity among the students even when working 
them hard. They are charming, witty, tactful and 
sympathetic. To be sure, like all professors, they are 
anxious to inveigle their students into the practice of 
study but they go about it so' delightfully that the 
student absorbs a certain amount of knowledge un- 
consciously and agreeably. 

Ingenious devices to engage and hold the student's 
attention will be used. Such a prof will propound a 
question to the class, wait until the students have 
answered the question to themselves, and then snap 
off the answer, which will be exactly what many of 
the students think. In this way the class is led to 
believe that it is taking part in the recitation and that 
its ideas are very clever because they agree with those 
of the prof. 

They have a very flattering attitude towards the 
class, both men and coeds, and will make you feel 
welcome and at home. 

A semester spent in such a class will prove 
entertaining and many valuable hints in tact 
and diplomacy can be acquired. 

2t 



THE ART OF AVOIDING STUDY 

Remember that real knowledge is the product otily 
of great effort. Remember also that most professors 
never demand real knov^ledge of their students. All 
they require is v^ords, the mere symbols of knowledge. 
Therefore do as little genuine thinking as possible. 
Memorize words and catch phrases by heart and roll 
these off in class. 

Don't acquire a real interest in a subject. 
If you are so unfortunate as to become inter- 
ested in one subject, take care that it does not 
spread to others. 

Have no aim for doing things, have no system or 
program of work. Let everything be delightfully 
accidental and haphazard. 

Never discuss anyfthing in connection with your col- 
lege studies; that betrays an interest in them. Josh 
your fellow students and professors about anything 
else, and treat study as the biggest joke of all. 

Never glance over more than a day's lessons at a 
time, never review or read ahead. Don't ever try to 
get a bird's eye view of a subject. Treat each assign- 
ment as a separate pellet of knowledge. Never read 
a lesson more than once, and then only the headings, 
topic sentences, etc., unless absolutely essential. 

If it is. a toss up between memorizing and reasoning, 
always choose memorizing. Never jot down things 
that you might be temporarily curious about. Use 
your imagination as little as possible. Remain utterly 
ignorant of the way to use dictionaries, encyclopedias, 
card catalogues, etc. Never ask or give your prof a 
chance to tell you how to study. 

23 



DETECTING THE STRICT 
DISCIPLINARIAN 

There are a few profs who seem to be born with a 
diabolical knack for reading human nature. They 
possess insight. Such men are practically impossible 
to handle and should be avoided. 

It will be very valuable for you as a student 
to learn how to detect and drop such a 
teacher promptly. 

Such a prof is usually rather pleasant for the first 
day or two. But this is merely the preliminary dose 
of anaesthetic 'to lull you into a sense of security. He 
is merely quieting your natural and commendable sus- 
picions, gaining your confidence and winning your 
affections with the ultimate view of rousing your in- 
terest in the subject he is teaching. 

He will call on the students to recount their own 
personal experience, to illustrate certain points in the 
lesson and he will appear open-minded and appre- 
ciative of their contributions. 

He gives you a taste of success, and thereby arouses 
your interest and liking for a certain thing. Then 
from a simple task he leads you on to more and more 
difficult ones so that finally you are caught in the 
meshes of study and application. 

He will compliment you, appear to be greatly pleas- 
ed with your progress because of fthe benefit to your- 
self, whereas he is really elated at the thought of his 
own success in leading you on ! 

After he has once gotten you interested in himself 
and the subject, his real nature will assert itself. You 
will then find him exacting and severe. He will criti- 
cide you severely if you don't work like fury, and fthen 
after a semester or a year of hard slavery, he may 
ungratefully give you a con or only a pass or maybe 
a flunk. 

DO NOT TAMPER WITH SUCH MEN. 
24 



CRAMMING FOR EXAMS 

A good deal of attention has been devoted to the 
analysis of different types of professor and to the 
problem of how to make the most of a given situation. 
We shall now consider for a moment the problem of 
the efficient handling of examinations. 

In connection with examinations, watch your teach- 
er and discover if he makes any record of daily reci- 
tations. If not, then the great game of cramming is 
open to you. Do not study the assignments for the 
regular class exercise; sleep, loaf, write notes, fuss, 
do anything you choose in class, but do not neglect to 
play the sponge in class occasionally and soak in what 
goes on to a certain extent. 

Keep one ear cocked in class. 

Then a few days before the examination, drink cof- 
fee at dinner and buck like fury. The night before the 
exam, however, eat lightly, take a brisk walk and go 
to bed early. 

Do not forget the game of bluffing if you are up 
against a stiff quiz, put your best foot forward, capi- 
talize any shred of information you may possess and 
play it up. This is guaranteed to kill any exam. 

Cultivate the science of cramming and you will be 
from fifty to a hundred hours to the good in each 
course, and nobody will be the wiser, yourself the 
least of all. 

You will, of course, avoid the professor who 
asks questions which take it for granted that 
you have been studying and thinking through- 
out his course. 



25 



FIRST AID TO THE UNCERTAIN * 

Note the following points in regard to the prof's 
command of his subject matter: 

1 — Is the course unsuitable for lecture purposes? Is 

the substance of the lecture found in your text, in 
other texts, in works written by the lecturer him- 
self? Is the class so small that it is better suited 
for a recitation? 

2 — Is the material unsuitable to constitute a course? 

3 — Does the title and description of the course in the 
catalogue disagree with the actual work? 

4 — Is the course too easy or too hard for the students? 

5 — Is the material presented in class largely valueless? 

Is it irrelevant, too abstract, trite, obvious, trivial ; 
diffuse, full of undefined technical terms and in 
general impractical and unrelated to real condi- 
tions ? 

6 — Does the teacher have a poor command of his sub- 
ject matter, does he read verbatim from his notes 
or quote his own text, does he stumble along and 
wander from his point? 

7 — Does the teacher prepare his lesson poorly? Does 
he hesitate, repeat, guess, and give approximations 
instead of facts when lecturing, does he seem un- 
certain as to the correctness of the students' an- 
swers ? 

If a teacher fulfills a good share of these require- 
ments you will know he is a poor teacher and not to 
be feared much. If, however, the teacher does not ful- 
fill any or only a few of these he very probably is a 
good teacher and one to be encountered only with due 
precaution and wholesome respect. 

26 ^ 



12 RIDDLES OF HIGHER EDUCATION 

1 — Why not have two kinds of college, one in 
which fthere are no professors to- bother the students, 
and another in which there are no students to pester 
the professors? 

2 — Why do students love the prof who makes them 
work and despise those who tolerate indolence? 

3 — Why do' professors expect students to remember 
things that they themselves have to read from manu- 
scripts ? 

A — Why do professors tell the same jokes they told 
twenty-five years ago? 

5 — What is the value of receiving a high grade in a 
subject, if one remembers nothing about it? 

6— Why does it take lecturers so long to say so little, 
and why are students bored so much at the little that 
is said? 

7 — Which is the more disconcerting, to discover a 
professor who has prepared his lecture, or a student 
who has studied his lesson? 

8 — Why don't students grade their professors as pro- 
fessors grade their students? 

9 — Why does not a teacher love the student who asks 
questions the teacher cannot answer? 

10 — Is not a professor's research work more impor- 
tant than the progress and development of students? 

11 — Where do professors enjoy teaching as much as 
they enjoy lecturing? 

12 — What proportion of students go to college pri- 
marily for educatio^n? 

27 



A STUDENT'S BILL OF RIGHTS 

It is high time that students should realize 
their legal and constitutional rights. 

In relation to his professors every student has the right 
1 — To teachers who have a poor insight into human 
nature so that they will be unable to persuade the 
students to study against their wills. 
2 — ^To teachers who dislike teaching so that students 
will be removed from serious temptations to study. 
3 — To teachers who know, little more about their sub- 
jects than the students. 

4 — To teachers who do all the work themselves in 
class, and require no outside preparation by students. 
5 — To teachers who are affected, conceited, slovenly, 
and indolent so that the students can have proper 
objects for their satire and not suffer from comparison 
with their instructors. 
6 — To profs who will josh and kid. 
7 — To freedom from faculty advisers and all interfer- 
ence from profs outside of class. 

8 — ^To personality tests of profs so that they can tell 
whom to avoid. 

9 — To profs who are not good teachers if they have 
reputations as great scholars. 

10 — To teachers who arouse no gripping and perman- 
ent interest in a subject, so that the student will not 
have to be bothered with studying a subject the rest 
of his life. 

In class management the student has the right 

1 — To teachers poorly prepared for the day's lesson 
so that they as well as the students will have to run a 
game of bluff. 

2 — ^To recitations which go slowly that the students 
will have lots of time to day-dream or sleep. 

28 



3 — To professors who flunk all students that ask too 
many pertinent questions. 

A — ^To profs who put the kibosh on free discussion. 
5 — ^To teachers ignorant of the art of questioning. 
6 — To teachers who assign the next lesson in such a 
confused manner that next day everyone can say he 
did not know where the lesson was. 
7 — To professors who try to give lectures without the 
art of public speaking. 

8 — To professors who distribute detailed outlines of 
the course, so that students need not take notes or even 
listen to the lecture. 

9| — To disciplinary disinterest rather than slides, maps, 
diagrams, specimens, experiments, field work, etc., cal- 
culated to stimulate interest and make things clear. 
10-r-To professors who never learn whether students 
know how to study or take notes. 
In choosing courses the student has the right 
1 — To courses that are dead, tedious and far removed 
from his present or future interests. 
2 — To courses that ramble along as the prof sees fit. 
3 — To subjects that are too elementary for him. 
4 — To duplicating courses, as many as he likes. 
5 — To protection from direct contact with the works 
of great men. 

6 — To foreign languages so taught as to leave no im- 
pression; English is bad enough. 

7 — To rhetoric and English courses in which one does 
not have to write themes. 

8 — To as many snap courses and as few stiff ones as 
he likes so that a degree will mean getting something 
for nothing. 

9 — To studies that will not intefere with good times. 
10 — ^To a college life as easy, pleasant and untelio- 
logical as possible. 

29 



WHERE COLLEGE CRITICS ERR 

A great many college presidents, editors, writers, 
investigators and a whole host of would-be reformers 
have been raising cain about the inefficiency of the 
colleges. They have been accusing the profs of not 
knowing how to teach, whereas all college students 
know that there are still too many left who do know 
how. 

Critics state that colleges do not produce the leaders 
in various lines of activity that are necessary for the 
preservation of the nation. 

Such critics seem to forget that college is in- 
tended to give a good time not to save the 
nation. 
(Critics insist that college is too theore'tical, too aca- 
demic, too far removed from the interests of the pres- 
ent day world. This is probably true of college. Very 
few graduates are prepared to step immediately into 
$5,000 and $10,000 positions. After the terrible mo- 
notony and grind that is still left in colleges, the grad- 
uate should have some substantial reward for his 
patience and stoicism. In this respect colleges should 
be improved. 

The unfairest criticism is that there is too little 
system in college, no concerted plan of what college 
should accomplish for the student. This is true, but it 
is also' true of the national government or society as 
a whole. Why should colleges trouble themselves 
with such a quixotic task? They have all they can do 
to pay profs, buy coal for the buildings and pay for 
the janitor service 

Almost everything else these critics propose would 
mean more work to the student, and more work to the 
prof who would pass the buck H:o the students. We 
believe in the principles of progressive labor, less 
work, shorter hours and more credits. 

30 



A BUREAU OF CONFIDENTIAL 
INFORMATION 

The hints and tips to students which are scattered 
throughout this book are sufficient to form the basis 
for a system of collecting confidential information 
about the personalities of profs, the nature and diffi- 
culty of courses, methods of handling difficult profs 
and avoiding certain courses, and little services which 
students think of on the spur of the moment or other- 
wise for lightening the burdens of college. 

A card index system could be evolved with 
1 — The name of the prof, on each card a list of the 
courses he gives, a description of his personality and 
best known way of handling him. See next page. 
2 — A cross index of the courses given, containing the 
names of profs who give these courses with a nota- 
tion as to the best way of handling, whether lecture 
only, lecture and quiz, recitation or laboratory, and 
whether easy, medium, hard or practical. 
3 — An index to tips on matters in general. 

Of course it would develop that many profs 
and courses would be blacklisted for all but 
the grinds. 

No apology is needed for such a procedure. In 
fact it is only a tit for tat rejoinder to student person- 
ality records which autocratically record such facts as 
one university old enough to know better asks every 
prof to spy out about each of his students: health, 
sense of responsibility, judgment, capacity for growth, 
initiative, industry, ability to organize, scope of inter- 
ests, social disposition, refinement, sense of humor, 
English — oral and written. 

31 



a B 



CO o 

p pi 

^ s 
&^ 

p 

CD 
P< 

CD 



»=d 


ffi 


CQ 


M 


H^ 


o 


h3 


Xfl 


p 
•T 


P 

B 


P 
2 


*< 

B 


P 


o 

P 




CD 
P 




o 


(D 


« 
p 

& 




CD 


5 








*^ 








5 



p* 2 
B 



> 5^ 
g 5' 

m P 



t2. P 



P 

P 

I 



XJl 



*==) J> *=d H iij 






p 

CD 

oa 

OQ 



XA 



p "-j 
•p 5 

II 

r 

03 



P 
CD 

P 



OQ 



P 
CD 
60 



2 ^' 
p p 



o 

p' 
o 



t:; CD -i E. *^ 

E < 



ill P? ^ tr" B ^» S 



S 3 & 



CD 
Pa 



gi ^ r 
g P P 
1? P, O 
CD ^ 



o 

p 



Pi 

Pj - 
CD *<! 



>=^ ^ a 

fr* ® p 

P CD CD 

CO p. 



5. § 



p 



p »^ 
a p 



d 


d o 


p 


p ::^ 


<-i- 


o o 


p 


O P 


o 


s& 


p 


P- '<i 


d 





o 

03 

o 
•p 
p- 

o 

p 






)»i JO 00 ^ 



o 



B 3 

H^ P 

CD P 

P' P. 

CD •-;• 

P ^ 

^. 

5' 

CD 

P 

CD 

CQ 



p •-< 

CD PJ 



P "' p 
CD •— • 

M ;-• 



^3 
2. 2 



P p I 

CD g 
^P 

P 9 



22 tDd 

fn CD 



p C/i 



o ou 

CD f^ 

O Nt* 

t— « r» 
p I 

CD 

P 
< 

s 

CD 
P< 



> CO 
o ^ 

CD C 

p. ^ 

CD ?*• 

»5- 



O PO z 

o <» » 

3 g- » 

» 2 -> 

» 9 O 

o •^ 



a 



03 CD 

s5 p. 

£§ 

g § 

m CD 

H DQ 

(D «^ 



>^ 00 fcO 



n 

9- 

o 



g<. 



^ -i rt P. 5B CD 

r+ p P' j;j- 
20 CD 

PJ& 
P 
<-i- p 

^§ 
o' 

P 



r 



X 



e 



Z 
• 3 



O 

m 

o 

z 
> 

r 

H 

z 

D 
M 



Institute for Public Service 

by 

Copyrighted 1920 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS #) 



022 152 280 1 



It is possible to graduate from almost any 
college without an idea in one's head. 

The college girl who, when asked to write a 
description of a sunset, applied to the librarian 
at once for a book on sunsets, was following 
the usual method. 

Mr. Dooley says that, nowadays, when a lad 
goes to college, "the prisidint takes him into 
a Turkish room, gives him a cigareet an' says : 
Me dear boy, what special branch iv larnin 
wud ye like to have studied fr ye be our com- 
pitint professors?" 

W. F. Foster when president of Reed College 



